What I Tell Myself Before Going on a Date


I tell myself, ask good questions. Don't let the conversation lull too long.
I tell myself, smile.
I tell myself, it's okay to be nervous.
I tell myself, you are too fat for anyone to love you.
I tell myself, you are a catch and anyone would be lucky to have the opportunity to be with you.
I tell myself, just enjoy the process.
I tell myself, this is good research. This will come in handy for some writing project down the road.
I tell myself, if you change your attitude about dating, it will be easier and more enjoyable.
I tell myself, I don't like dating.
I tell myself, don't drink too much. You need to be able to drive yourself home.
I tell myself, don't forget to send the address to a friend.
I tell myself, not everyone will be your soulmate.
I tell myself, it's okay to be with someone who is good for you right now.
I tell myself, more awkward people than you have done this.
I tell myself, he's just as anxious as you.
I tell myself, laugh at yourself.
I tell myself, don't wear the lipstick in case it goes well and there's a kiss at the end.
I tell myself, don't wear the lipstick in case it moves while you're eating.
I tell myself, wear the damn lipstick because you'll feel pretty in it.
I tell myself, guys don't expect a woman to be perfect.
I tell myself, this guy will not be perfect either.
I tell myself, people are inherently interesting.
I tell myself, it's your job as an interesting person to draw it out of them, to find their story.
I tell myself, you are so boring.
I tell myself, you're allowed to leave early if you're not having fun.
I tell myself, you're allowed to stay late if you are having fun.
I tell myself, you can survive anything for an hour. That's all you owe him. One lousy hour.
I tell myself, sit up straight.
I tell myself, listen, and look like you're listening.
I tell myself, this outfit says everything about you that it needs to.
I tell myself, you are too dressed up.
I tell myself, embrace the awkward. Lean into it.
I tell myself, he doesn't expect you to be hairless.
I tell myself, you can laugh about this with your girlfriends later.
I tell myself, you will never meet people sitting at home every night.
I tell myself, one of these days, one of these things will lead to something real.
I tell myself, maybe even this one. Maybe even tonight.
I tell myself, if it doesn't work out, it wasn't meant to be.
I tell myself, act like a lady.
I tell myself, screw being a lady.
I tell myself, you are not terrible for hoping he pays.
I tell myself, check your account balance just in case he doesn't pay.
I tell myself, you never know who Mr. Right will be.
I tell myself, he did not take that thing you said on the last date/text/message the wrong way.
I tell myself, it's okay to make mistakes.
I tell myself, love yourself. Be kind. Give yourself grace.
I tell myself, breathe.

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