Things I Miss

Everyone has been so sweet about reaching out to me and telling me they're here for me and extending condolences and I've felt really loved in a lot of ways and really unloved in a lot of different ways. I have plans for girls' nights and things like that in the near future, but right now I'm spending some time by myself and on myself, sorting through my feelings, figuring out what I want, and focusing on being healthy and happy in the ways that I can.

I'm a writer, so I tend to process things by writing. Last night I sat down and wrote a list of things I miss about Andy and being with Andy, a spontaneous list that went on much longer than I knew it would. I thought I would cry while I wrote it, since I seem to be prone to that a lot lately, but revisiting memories from different parts of our relationship and pinpointing and writing down specific things that I loved and missed actually made me smile. I feel like a lot of times during breakups people focus on the negative aspects of that person or that relationship to make that loss easier, and it's tempting to write a list of things you won't miss about that person (I'm sure that list is somewhere in my future). But I also think it's important to remember the good things and the reasons you loved that person.

I wrote that list for me, but I thought it might be useful moving forward with this blog to share some things from that list here. You all have heard me talk about him and our life together before and you'll hear me talk about life without him in the future so this is, in a way, a picture of the good parts of what I'm moving on from. This list is incomplete--there are things that I wrote down but haven't included here for various reasons, and I'm sure I'll continue to add to my personal list as I think of things.

Things I miss about Andy / Being with Andy
  • him cooking for me
  • him bringing me coffee in bed
  • watching TV with him
  • playing card games with him
  • his curly hair
  • his smile
  • his surprised but amused face
  • spontaneous back rubs
  • cuddling
  • him hovering in my office doorway
  • him making tickle fingers at me
  • hearing him laugh or clear his throat downstairs and it being comforting to me
  • him touching my hair
  • looking at recipes and making grocery lists together
  • randomly chatting with him on Facebook
  • him watching me put on my makeup
  • that little excited face he makes when he rubs his hands together quickly and he bites hit bottom lip
  • his scratchy handwriting
  • him singing along to an old song
  • dancing in the kitchen
  • the look on his face when he knows I'm right, or I've bested him in an argument, that little glint of recognition in his eyes
  • him getting excited over a new outfit idea
  • his double take, mock outrage, when I find something in 30 seconds that he's been searching for for 5 minutes
  • making cocktails together
  • sitting next to each other at our favorite bar
  • watching him type away on his tiny little keyboard with his stubby fingers
  • feeling so safe and loved and wanted with him
  • feeling like we were so lucky to have each other
  • the ew face he would make at the mere mention of certain foods
  • watching Jeopardy with him
  • the awed face he'd have at the end of a good movie, all still and bright-eyed
  • him reading a poem to me before bed
  • him telling me, "you look great"
  • him coming up behind me and wrapping his arms around me and pushing my hair over to one side and resting his chin on my shoulder or kissing my neck
  • eating pizza together
  • looking at each other with yucky or disapproving faces when a singer on the TV was off-key or a food dish didn't look appetizing
  • sitting on the couch watching CBS Sunday Morning, eating donuts, sipping coffee, us each checking our email and Facebook and also watching television, sometimes setting aside our computers to cuddle or kiss
  • his surprised, grateful, excited voice when he says, "that was really nice of her/him/them"
  • him standing in the grocery store, debating chip flavors
  • him "taking a sip" of my drink and drinking half of it
  • him picking out pajamas for me from his dresser
  • him complaining about my cold feet
  • him telling me I smell good
  • him taking beautiful photographs and showing them to me
  • him defending something and saying "well I think it's..." with that kind of embarrassed but also confident look on his face
  • him saying "now don't you worry about..." and taking care of my load of dishes or whatever when I'm tired/stressed/behind on work
  • him saying "well go ahead and cut into your meat" so he could make sure it was cooked perfectly before he sat down to eat with me
  • him telling me "I love you" without being followed by a "but"
Yours Truly, Jen

P.S. I'm not back for regular posts yet, but I'll be posting when I can.


  1. This was a beautiful post, Jen. I admire both your strength and honesty during this time. Stay strong, pretty!


  2. I think this took a lot of strength to write, and it makes me wish I had done this with past break-ups. It usually isn't until months down the line that I take a second to think about the good times, and I think this is an excellent reminder to anyone on the inside or outside of breaking up to embrace what was good and live without regret.


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